Most of my life I was caught up in my head, stuck into a computer, kind of looking at the world as if it was code or if it was sort of some logical thing that I could think my way around that I could approach other people as if the computer, that was the only way I thought I could communicate with other people. I thought it was all logical that if you follow the steps and if you hit the steps then you’re all good right. I was completely missing the actual emotional component, the connection, the things that you actually feel with someone else. I was unable to really access that because I was just stuck so much into thinking and thinking that thinking was the only way to really get any well in life. That it was all about being intelligent and that I could think my way into problem, to any situation and eventually get what I wanted. But the thing is people aren’t computers. What I came to realise was I’ve been missing out on so much in life by treating everything like a computer, like total thinking everything. That I’ve been really missing out on the emotions and the experiences. The things that really make people feel human because I really hadn’t even realise that was though. I hadn’t thought that there was more than thinking. I thought thinking was the best way to approach everything. But when hanging out with some different minded people I became to realise that really there’s so much more to life and that’s when I started to feel the pain of the way I was that pushed me through.
Before my breakthrough I couldn’t really feel emotion any well near what I can now. It was about 10% and I remember sitting there looking at a brick wall thinking I wish could touch that, I wish could touch that and really feel what it felt like. I just felt so much pain inside, I couldn’t really feel what things actually would. It was like a massive barrier between me and the rest of the world. It’s like sitting a computer as suppose to going outside and play. When I finally did Breakthrough, it was like being 5 years old again because that was the last time I felt emotions at that level and I just remembered that I cried and I laughed and it was the most phenomenal experience and just everything I actually really really longed to what everything felt like from emotions inside to everything in our world because I really could only pick up less than 10% of that before. Because when you’re stuck in your head it’s such a massive barrier between you and the rest of the world that it’s not possible to really sense things and pick things up at that level and the difference it makes talking to people is really incredible because when you’re in your head you only think about the word that you’re saying, you only think the word the other people about is saying, it’s like you miss so much meaning and so much communication that you really can’t and it’s so slow as well because you always have to think about everything. When you’re able to just communicate with somebody directly and you drop the shyness and you just be yourself then that’s when you are able to really feel what the other person is feeling and connect with them in a level that I haven’t been able to do my entire life. When I discovered that it was really massive for me because it changed everything.
It feels really strange sitting here right now wearing the sultry clothes that I used to wear. wearing the old glasses I used to wear. It feels really off. It feels so different because now I can feel emotions at such a high level that it’s ridiculous really. Since my breakthrough, it’s have completely changed my life, it’s changed the way that I interact with people. I feel comfortable just being myself and being natural and just connecting with people. Even something like buying a coffee or somethings is so much more pleasurable now because I get to connect with the person across the counter. I get to say “hey, how’s it going?” and you know just have that moment with somebody and it’s all about and I get to have so many of those emotions every day that even like walking down the street and just smiling at somebody is such a pleasurable experience that I have never experienced before because I was caught up here and thinking and thinking and thinking but once I was able to stop that and really just feel what’s around me and just check out my surrounding and be at the current moment and live though. It really changed everything for me. It applies to everything really because like being able to touch things, feeling clothing, feeling another person when I’m giving them a hug. Feeling my partner in my relationship and being able to connect with her and give her love at a level that was ten times or a hundred times higher than what I was able to do before because I was there and I touched and so on, it’s like a having a really little tiny cable plugging in or something as supposed to come here with a full connection like a 5 volts of those 56k modem. With a 56k modem yeah you sure to get there a little bit. Not sure how my partner put up with me but somehow that worked, but with 5 volts, it’s indescribable really because you’re talking about so many emotions that can just flow through me and then connect with somebody else at a level that I wasn’t capable of before. I’d always enjoy hugs before but after my breakthrough, hugs were absolutely phenomenal.